For the Love of Alex Page 5

  Everyone had expected their relationship to fall apart as they grew older. As if they would realize one day that their feelings for each other were just a product of their youth. One day they would meet other people and move on from this lingering infatuation. Yet, year after year, Alex and Leah remained inseparable throughout elementary school, middle school, junior high, high school, and now college. Leah’s feelings had never waned despite all the obstacles they faced. They had grown stronger each year. She couldn’t imagine her life without Alex, but she feared she would have to face that reality sooner rather than later if he could not beat this addiction. It would kill him like it had so many others. Like it killed her beloved Uncle Eddie.

  Uncle Eddie meant the world to Leah as a child. The best part of holidays was Uncle Eddie’s visits. He would stroll into the house and lift Leah in his arms, spinning her around until she was dizzy with delight. He would play games with her for hours, and for that time she was the center of his world. Unlike her parents, he saw her. Her really saw her for who she was and loved her for it. He never ignored her. He never neglected her. He always just loved Leah and she adored him just as much.

  Everything thing changed when she was nine years old. Uncle Eddie had dressed up as Santa Claus, but it was Thanksgiving. Her mother had been outraged at her brother’s behavior, but Leah and Tristan were thrilled at their uncle’s antics. He had been such a clown, bringing laughter and love in a house unfamiliar with such emotions.

  That evening, Uncle Eddie and Leah’s mother got into a nasty fight. It wasn’t unusual. Every time he came over it ended up in a shouting match. Leah was too young to understand the anger between brother and sister at the time, but as she got older she realized the source of the feuding was Uncle Eddie’s addiction to alcohol and crystal meth. Uncle Eddie had lost his job on the police force. His once promising career ended in shame as he was unceremoniously kicked out of the force. His wife Linda left him and took their three daughters away. He never saw them again.

  Leah wished she’d been mature enough to understand how much that loss pained him. Uncle Eddie had adored his kids. The separation was unbearable, and his way of coping sent him further into the drug abyss.

  She’d been too young to realize his problems, but now she understood. Living with an addict had opened her eyes to a pain her childhood innocence could never contemplate.

  Leah had seen only the good in her uncle. The fun and excitement he brought into her stale and empty home. But hidden behind his smile was a deep, lingering agony and loneliness that was eating away at him, killing him slowly each day. Her failure to see had always haunted Leah. Her blindness to his pain because of her selfish enjoyment of the bliss her uncle brought to her life was a crime she could not forgive herself for.

  That unforgettable night, Uncle Eddie and her mother argued so furiously at one another for hours and then suddenly until there was an abrupt silence.

  Uncle Eddie returned to the living room where Leah had waited for him. He lifted her into his arms and sat her on the couch next to him. “It’s time for me to leave, baby girl.” Leah started to cry and Uncle Eddie stood up and walked over to the bar. He grabbed a bottle of whisky, drank some, and put the rest of the bottle in his jacket as he headed for the front door.

  Leah ran up to him and clutched his leg, trying to prevent him to leave. “Please take me with you, Uncle Eddie. Take me and Alex to your home,” she begged.

  Leah knew no one would miss either one of them. They were both already forgotten by their families. Just extra burdens that they had to bear. She knew it would have been different with Uncle Eddie. She could be happy. They both could be.

  Uncle Eddie knelt down in front of Leah and pinched her plump cheeks. Even as a child, Leah could see the hurt in his glassy eyes. “I wish I could keep you, squirt,” he told Leah, “but I would just destroy us both. I’m not well and I’ll just make you sick too.”

  Not understanding what was wrong with him, Leah tried to convince him that she and Alex could take care of him. They could help him get better. “I’ll make you chicken soup and tea so you will get better,” Leah promised him. “I’ll read you stories and make you cards. I can take care of you, Uncle Eddie.”

  Uncle Eddie hugged her tightly. “I love you, squirt. So much that I won’t allow myself to destroy you. If you really want to help me, then take care of yourself. Grow up and be the successful woman you were born to be and don’t let anyone stop you from being the best. Make me proud, my Leah. Make me proud. I will always be watching you and looking out for you to make sure you are being the woman I know you were born to be.”

  Leah sat up in her bed, closing her eyes as if trying to block out the painful memories. That was the first and only time she had ever seen her Uncle Eddie cry. It was also the last time she’d seen her Uncle Eddie. The next morning during breakfast, her mother got a call that Uncle Eddie had overdosed.

  Leah could never forget the cold look on her mother’s face as she returned to the breakfast table and announced that her brother was dead. Leah could never forget her words. “Well, he got what he deserved,” her mother icily explained. “He chose that hell over his family. At least now he won’t take us with him.” She sat there and calmly resumed eating her eggs benedict while Leah sat there weeping at the loss of the one person in her family who loved her.

  Leah still cried for the uncle she lost too soon, and most nights she sat in her apartment crying for the man she feared she would lose in a similar way. She was helpless to stop Uncle Eddie and she felt just as helpless to stop Alex from destroying himself. The life Uncle Eddie tried to spare her was, ironically, the life she was leading today.

  Leah knew she needed to focus on the present and to stop dwelling on the things she was powerless to change. It was time for her to get her life in order. Alex was safe in rehab, hopefully healing himself, so she would take this time apart to work on herself—and that meant her job.

  She dragged herself out of bed and prepared a steaming cup of hot jasmine tea to calm her nerves. The memories of Uncle Eddie were too painful to resurrect. She had to maintain her focus. Her job was the best diversion for her.

  Even though today was Saturday and her day off, Marcus had asked if she could come to the office. He wanted to discuss the article she wrote for the blog focusing on teens and drugs. Although she was happy to be going to work, she was also wary of the inevitable confrontation she would have with Marcus about her first article.

  Leah knew this conversation was coming. She thought it would have happened much sooner when she first submitted her draft. It was not the type of story her editor wanted, but it was the only type of story her heart could write.

  The article was supposed to be posted tomorrow, so she assumed Marcus would have ripped it apart before now. She felt too passionate about this subject to just let it go. She was determined to fight for this story. She would just have to find a way to convince Marcus to take a chance on her, which was a lot to ask considering she was fresh out of college, had minimal experience, and had been working for him for barely a week. She did have some experience with her college paper and had interned at some of the best magazines in the city. She would have to convince Marcus that she knew what she was doing. This may not be the topic he wanted, but it was the topic she believed they needed to publish.

  She would make that argument to him. “I’m good at this. I’m good at journalism. I want to write stories that matter. Not fluff pieces about Lindsay Lohan’s latest drug bust or, even worse, the adventures of Snooki and the Jersey Shore band of fools. I don’t want to waste time on tabloid fodder. I want to make a difference.” That was the speech she rehearsed during her breakfast that she would deliver to Marcus if and when he protested her article. Leah knew this was a fight worth fighting. She wanted to help people. She needed to help others before they ended up in a quandary like the one that had been drowning her for years. She had never taken an illegal drug in her life, and yet drugs consumed every mom
ent of it. She knew there were many others suffering the same way. If she could reach just one, at least she could feel this pain was worth something.

  Leah jumped into the steaming shower, easing the last of her nerves. By the time she left her apartment, she found her courage and her stubbornness.

  It was still early, but she wanted to get to the office and take some time to prepare for her debate with Marcus. A good debate was just what she needed thanks to Rose’s aggravating early-morning wake-up call. It fueled her, and now she was ready to soar.

  Leah arrived at the office just before nine. Not as many folks worked the weekend shift, but there were still a fair amount of people hustling about to get the weekend editions prepared. To her surprise, Marcus was already in the office typing away on his laptop. His hair was disheveled, as if he had been running his fingers through it repeatedly. He seemed to do that a lot when he was concentrating. It made him seem so normal. He worried, just like the rest of them. He was eager to prove himself as well. That was why Leah could relate to him. Everyone could. He might be the boss, but he was just like them in so many ways and he never held himself apart from the rest.

  Leah wasn’t ready to see him just yet, though. Her superwoman confidence abruptly faded as soon as she entered the office. She needed to rediscover that bravery before discussing the article.

  She tried to avoid him, but he saw her immediately and motioned for her to come into his office. There goes my debate prep time she lamented as she walked over to this office.

  He was wearing glasses, rather thick-rimmed black glasses. They made him look kind of nerdy, but in a very charming way. They certainly did not detract from his handsomeness, but they made him seem more real and less perfect.

  “You’re staring,” he commented, causing Leah to blush. “It’s the glasses, right?” Leah nodded and he started to laugh. “Yeah, I expected that. My eyes were too irritated for contacts this morning so I had to whip out my horrifying geek specs. These are an old pair. I accidentally sat on my new pair so I am stuck with my Urkel lenses. Try to contain your laughter. There are some things we should discuss, and I don’t want you mocking me the whole time.”

  Just like that, Leah felt at ease again. She sat in one of the leather chairs on the other side of his desk. She was trying hard not to laugh. Marcus was her boss, and mocking his appearance would not be a good career move—but damn, this was really hard. Usually the best way to deal with a problem was to face it head on, but if she looked at him for too long, she would succumb to a fit of giggles and possibly an all-out laughing attack. Her emotions were all over the place, so who knew how bad her reaction would be. She would just stick with avoidance and not look him in the eye. That would be the safer approach.

  “What did you want to talk about?” she asked as she focused on her hands folded in her lap. Her small diamond engagement ring shining brightly. An engagement ring that she accepted gladly two years ago. A promise of the future she hoped to have with Alex. But now, that future looked dim and the prospect of marriage which once filled her with joy now frightened her.

  “Your article,” Marcus responded, grabbing Leah’s wandering attention.

  She waited for him to say more, but he just sat there in silence for what felt like several minutes. “It’s not what I expected. It’s not what I asked you to write.”

  That was certainly true, but his words made her defensive, which was dangerous in a situation like this. She couldn’t ignore this, but she couldn’t overreact either.

  She finally faced him, and there was no temptation to laugh. She was holding back too much pent-up frustration. She knew she should wait for him to continue, but she also knew whatever he said next would not be something she would want to hear. She opted for a preemptive strike and cut him off before he could say more.

  “It may not be what you expected, but it’s the kind of story you need to publish. It’s the kind of story that matters. Do you really want me to write another story about fashion and reality TV and all these superficial things teens care about, or would you rather publish stories about things that can make a difference? Real-life issues are what we need to address.”

  Marcus removed his glasses and placed them on his desk. He sat back in his chair and watched the young ingénue closely—too closely. “You’ve been on the job for a week and you practically just graduated from college. I’ve only been at this paper for six years and I have been a journalist for nearly ten, but you seem to know better than I about what stories we need to publish. Enlighten me, Leah. What makes you so omniscient? What makes you the expert?”

  He was annoyed. Leah had to fix this, but she wasn’t quite sure how. Her nerves were on edge and everything came out wrong. She didn’t intend to sound so preachy and sanctimonious. Marcus had every right to fire her on the spot. First she disobeyed him by ignoring his story instructions and then, instead of being contrite, she had the audacity to be self-righteous about it.

  How did she screw this up, she wondered? She just hoped he was in a forgiving mood.

  “I don’t pretend to be an expert. I am here to learn from experts like you, but I do have things I can contribute as well if you give me a chance. I know as the newbie I should probably just shut up and obey. Normally I do. Look, I apologize if I was out of line. I will write you the story you want this afternoon and have it ready for you in time for tomorrow’s publication. I’m really sorry.”

  Leah rose to leave but Marcus’ voice stopped her. “You disappoint me, Leah.”

  He stood up and approached her. Leah could barely keep her legs underneath her. Her trepidation grew with each approaching step. She was going to be fired and lose all her professional dreams. Her personal ones were hanging by the thinnest of threads, and now the one thing she looked forward to, her career, was about to go up in flames. All of this because of drugs. One way or the other, drugs were destroying her life.

  “I expected more from you,” Marcus continued. “Where’s the fight in you? Why did you back down as soon as I challenged you? If you believe so much in the story you wrote, then why give up on it the moment I pushed you? Either you are not that passionate about it or you’re not brave enough to fight for it. Whichever the answer, it displeases me.”

  Leah couldn’t react. This was not how she planned this morning to go, but she was so afraid of losing this job that she let her fear guide this discussion rather than the anger and passion she needed to rouse her strength.

  “I do believe in this story and I believe in the Gazette. That’s why I want to publish this story as a series of stories on this topic because I know it can make a difference. I don’t think parents have a clue about what their children see and experience. They have no idea of the vast amount of drugs thrust into their children’s faces tempting them to hell. Kids don’t understand the consequences of taking that dip into the drug inferno, but they always end up getting burned and sometimes beyond healing. If we can help a handful of kids and parents then we have made a world of difference. That’s so much better than another gossip column or superficial take on celebrity drama.” Those were the words she was supposed to deliver this morning. If only she’d found her courage to say them ten minutes ago.

  Marcus turned away and sat in his desk chair. She just stood there watching him not sure if she should start working on another story or packing up her meager belongings from her desk.

  “Now that was better, Leah. Now I remember why I hired you, and I hope you don’t forget again. You should start working on part two of this story. I want to run a weekly blog about this for at least the next month. Let’s see how many hits we get, and if it’s working, we’ll keep it going. If not, you can think of other stories that defy my orders.” He smiled, and the tension finally seeped out of her stiff shoulders.

  “Thank you, Marcus.”

  “Don’t thank me. Just make sure I don’t regret this decision.”

  “You won’t,” Leah promised. Her confidence now restored, she went to her desk
and started writing the next segment.

  For the next week, Leah was able to find solace in her work. Researching and working on her pieces made the days go by so fast. The nights were still lonely, but they were becoming increasingly bearable. She was starting to feel alive again and work was filling the void in her life.

  She missed Alex every day, but what she missed was the Alex that she first fell in love with all those years ago. She didn’t miss the addict or the liar he’d become. For the first time since Alex turned to drugs for comfort, she felt free. Maybe she should feel guilty for thinking this way, but she felt like a weight had been lifted off her overly burdened shoulders and now she could focus on her life and her dreams. She was finally starting to realize that her life was not just about taking care of Alex. She was not just a supporting actress in Alex’s complicated life story. She was the star of her own show, and somehow throughout the years she’d lost herself in his story. For the first time in a long time, her life was all about her. Maybe it was selfish, but being selfish felt really good.

  Of course she still wanted Alex to come home healthy and strong again, because then they could start building the life they had always planned. It would no longer have to be a dream. They could get married and he could finish his degree and seek the career he wanted. They could live the life they were meant to live before heroin derailed them. They could have a future. First, they just had to move beyond the past and focus on the present.

  Feeling reinvigorated, Leah skipped into the office with a renewed sense of hope. She finished her second piece, focusing on the proliferation of designer drugs. Numerous head-shop retailers had been selling designer drugs, such as bath salts, synthetic marijuana, and the hallucinogenic salvia, and were mislabeling them to hide the true impact of these dangerous toxins. Many young people had died from the use of these easily accessible drugs, not realizing the impact of what they were consuming. Despite government regulations, these drugs remained on the market and continued to decimate communities as victims engaged in dangerous and reckless behavior, often leading to serious harm or death.